Breaking Free Ministries USA

Accepting God's Unconditional Love
                                                                       A Personal Testimony by Jeanine

I grew up believing that if I didn't do what Mom wanted, she wouldn't love me.  The church we attended
re-enforced that belief with the demands made on us to keep the Law.  It wasn't a happy time. I couldn't
be who I wanted to be, a free spirit. Instead, I was restless and weighed down with the burden of always
trying to please, and yet always living with the realization that I couldn't please anyone.

When I was saved, I naturally brought that mentality with me which added to my burden.  The law
having been pounded into my head I now had to be doubly careful to please God.  But each time I
didn't, I felt like I was letting him down.  I didn't want to let Him down, so what was wrong with me?  
How can God love me, if I'm not worthy of His love?  Isn't His love based on what we do?  I was left
believing that I had no worth or value and couldn't be loved.

When I left home to be on my own, it was the first time I really felt free.  It wasn't long before I realized
that I really wasn't free, I was bound by the need to be loved, and sought the attention that made me feel
loved.

When I met the man I married, he thought I was beautiful and perfect.  I was convinced that he loved me
even more than I loved him.  My life finally seemed to be what I wanted it to be, until I started having
health problems.  I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis that crippled my body.  He had a hard time
dealing with my illness, and once again I couldn't be what I wanted to be.  I had let someone else down,
and had no true worth or value.  After that, I spent years trying to be the best mother I could be.

I never lost my faith in God, I knew in my head that He loved me.  Recently, He got through to me, I
really believed for the first time in my life that He loved me.  I now live in that love daily.  I was recently
asked, "How did God finally get through to you?"  I really can't explain it, but I think it's because He is
always faithful, and this is the hope that we all have.   We love and deal with of our children individually,
and God being the perfect Father works the same way with each of us.

As for me, I now feel like the free spirit I always wanted to be.  I never used to say much, but now that I
know I am loved and valued by God, what I have to say has value.  The fear of others not loving me is
gone because nobody can love me like God does, unconditionally!  Believing that God loves me for the
first time in my life is enough.  I'm satisfied.